I'm starting to think I will never, ever find a guy.
After a good month and a half of going out with Aiden, he started doing the fade out thing. This really sucked, because at this point I was feeling more comfortable with him and really starting to like him. It started around New Year's, when I texted him on NYE asking if he wanted to hang out the next day. I didn't hear back from him until the next afternoon, and he was apparently so hungover that he had just woken up. Fine, understandable. I suggested Thursday, and he told me the next afternoon that he was still feeling sick, might be coming down with something, etc.
OK, that's fine. I left Aiden alone for the next several days, then texted him the next week asking how he was feeling. He told me he was feeling better but still had had a rough week, so I commiserated and asked him if there was anything I could do. His response: "No worries, I'll get over it." Okayy... does this mean your mom died, you lost your job, you got a cancer diagnosis? I realize he's a guy and I don't want to press the issue, so I tell him I'm sorry and hope things will get better soon.
I don't hear from him for the next few days, which is definitely not like him considering we were texting nearly every day. I go out with friends that Saturday, and we ended up at a bar near his apartment, so I texted him and mentioned I was at a bar with my friends if he was bored. I heard back from him as I was heading home, saying he had met up with an old friend and was heading home as he had to get up early. We text back and forth a few times, joking like old times, then I go to bed.
The next day I get horrible news from my parents: one of our close family friends died very unexpectedly. I was shell shocked and stunned. Since Aiden knew of the friend (I had told him about him and what a great person he was), I texted him and said, "Hey, my turn for a shitty week! ___ died. Was in for surgery and died in the hospital."
F***ing FOUR HOURS LATER, he texts back: "Jesus, that's terrible."
Really?!? I consoled you for having an ambiguously crappy week (since you didn't tell me what the hell happened), and this is your response. How about, "I'm sorry, that's terrible, are you OK?"
What. The. F.
I was pissed and wanted to see if he'd show some sort of empathy: "I'm completely shocked, I can't believe this happened. He wasn't much younger than my parents." No response.
I spent the next few days burying myself in work and trying not to cry. Tuesday I get a text from him: "How are you holding up?" I waited two days and my response was short: "I'm okay, all things considered." All things considered, like a super close family friend just died and now the guy I'm dating is ignoring me.
I texted something arbitrary/funny to him on Saturday to see if he'd bite, and while I got a response, I didn't get anything else out of it. Finally I said, "Eff it. I have nothing left to lose at this point," and decided to mention the 800 lb gorilla – that I felt like my communication with him was becoming more and more futile. Not surprisingly, no response to that.
I know I didn't do anything glaringly wrong, like most of us girls are guilty of at one point or another. I didn't drunk text him stupid stuff, I didn't smother him, I didn't sleep with him, I showed enough interest but not TOO much, but obviously I stopped being good enough for him. And that hurts.
I hate not having closure, and this is such a cowardly way for a guy to bail out. He was really into me. I'm not just saying that, but the signs were there. And all of a sudden, they weren't. I know I said before that I was really freaking out over the attention, but by the third date I got accustomed to it and felt I was doing okay emotionally.
Now I'm just... sad. Sad because I should have been making an effort to date other guys at the same time to have something to fall back on. Sad because the one time I needed someone to lean on, he wasn't there. Sad because a friend who wasn't even a blood relative but did SO much for my family and was the nicest, most generous person I've met is suddenly gone.
2014 is off to a great start. :(
Post title song reference: "Argue" - Matchbox Twenty
So so so sorry for your loss. That's truly awful when something like that happens.
ReplyDeleteJust food for thought for the people I hear the "ghosting" thing happening to more and more: perhaps he was bipolar. The disappearing act on someone where things were going well, makes me wonder. That's a classic sign of someone having a bipolar episode. Not saying thats what it was but its totally possible and in which case, you're better off. That shit's a pattern.
Thanks for the kind words. Bipolar certainly would certainly explain going from "can't get enough" to near silence.
DeleteCan you send me an invite to your new blog? Google isn't cooperating with my reading list. :)
Ugh, I'm so sorry this happened. I still do NOT understand when people do this. When you've been talking long enough, if something changes, at least own up to it. The fade out is particularly hurtful when you know them a bit more!
ReplyDeleteI know! I found myself trying to rationalize his strange behavior, and it just made me think of all the "He's just not that into you" excuses that women come up with.
DeleteAw hun I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well as your boy woes. I don't understand someone pulling a disappearing act after that long. It's unfortunate and I've always found it immature.
ReplyDelete