If you give someone advice, you should be prepared for them to take it.
Let's back up. After nearly a year of limited verbal communication with D (which was my decision) and several months since I last talked to him, we agreed to catch up over phone. I was hoping he'd say, "Wow, after spending a month fulltime with Jailbait, I realized how fucking annoying and immature she is." (Because all she talked about on Twitter was how lazy she was being, how much she was eating, and how wonderful her 'vacation' was.) Sadly, that was not the case.
"I'm at a crossroads in my life," D said. "I've been working for myself and living off my savings, and I can't do that anymore. I've been living this Peter Pan life for so long that I don't know what to do."
Well, yeah, most of us couldn't do that in the first place. It doesn't help that your girlfriend also lives a similarly enchanted life funded by her parents.
"I need to find a job that excites me and makes me happy."
Heh. Don't we all?
"I just don't know what to do... I love New York so much, but I just spent the last month with Jailbait and it was AMAZING." [Shit.]
After a lukewarm ending to the conversation, I thought more about what he had said as I was trying to fall asleep. I then proceeded to write D an email the next morning, fully aware of the consequences it'd bring. Either he'd lash out and tell me to MYOFB (unlikely), he'd ignore me (highly likely), or he'd take it into consideration since he knew I was right (moderately likely).
Basically, I told D what most normal human adults do is have a hobby they care passionately about, and use their job to fulfill it. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a job that makes them happy enough to not need a similarly engrossing hobby.
I then laid it out: You need to make a decision. If you truly love this underage, barely-graduated-from-high-school chick, then get up and move to AZ for her. Don't keep on playing this bullshit LDR game that guys seem to love. It's not fair to her and if you don't want change your life for her, you need to let go and allow her to move on with her life. God knows she has enough time to do so by not having a job or going to college.
As much as I dislike Jailbait, I kind of empathize with her and feel like she deserves a decision. Granted, she's a tramp with Daddy issues as evidenced by her sinking her claws into him so quickly, but she's still a girl and I have at least that much in common with her.
I think Lauryn Hill sums it up pretty well:
"I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See you might win some, but you just lost one..."
Anyway. A week or so goes by, I hear nothing, so out of curiosity I sent him two job posting links -- one for a position in NY, and another for one in AZ. He responds back with a "thank you," and "you're so nice and sweet to send me those," (he's a charmer, what can I say?), and that he made the decision to move to Arizona and was looking for jobs there.
Surprisingly enough, my heart didn't immediately plummet to my feet and no bucket of ice water was thrown over my shoulders. I kinda knew this was the path he'd take, but deep, deep down I was hoping he'd stay. However, I didn't go off and start crying. The fact that I didn't do so made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I'm actually getting over him.
I still feel sad, because I do love D, which is why I sent that first email telling him to get a move on it. If he keeps doing this long distance crap with her, then there'll always be a part of me that will hope that eventually he'll get sick of her and dump her skinny, tattooed ass. Now that he's made a commitment, I can try and extinguish this flickering torch I've been holding for him and finally move on.
*names and places have been changed
No comments:
Post a Comment