No mistletoe here

This past weekend I went to my company's Christmas holiday party. I'm not usually the "bring a date" type, but last year I took a co-worker with me. (I'm employed in the federal government through a contracting firm, and this guy was a regular federal worker/non-contractor.)  It was really fun, so I brought him along again this year.

(Shit, I need to think of a name for him. Let's go with Noah, since I don't know any Noahs in real life.)

The party itself was very similar to last year's – held in a museum, lots of food, excessive amounts of wine and beer, and a live band. Unfortunately the party was so short that we didn't get to see much of the museum, but it was fun to chat with my co-workers and people watch.

My manager asked if Noah and I were dating (there's no policy against this, so she didn't care either way – it was just out of pure curiosity), and I told her no. When Noah first arrived last year, I thought he was cute and really smart. Like, really smart. Way, way smarter than me. Has a master's degree, has written for the Huffington Post, did the Peace Corps, etc.

Even speaking with him outside of work, I just felt like I wasn't on the same intelligence level as him. As my sister’s friend once put it, "I felt like I had to read several newspapers before every date."

Don't get me wrong, I never felt like he was being condescending, but at the same time, I can't talk about stupid shit, like the South Park episode with Timmy and Gobbles the Turkey, because he probably doesn't even know what South Park is.

Back to the party. As we were walking out of the museum, I saw an exhibit and exclaimed, "Oh damn, I wish I knew that was here!" And Noah says, "It's okay, we can see it another time."

We? Another… time?

Oh, fuck.

He is SO nice, and kind, and cute… and I'm pretty sure he likes me... but I can't see myself dating him. He's not charismatic, like D is. He doesn't make me laugh. He's just so… serious. And I don't feel like I can be myself around him.

Meanwhile, I pine away for guys who aren't interested in me and/or are unavailable. It's messed up.