Maybe I just feel too much

Depression is such a selfish beast. It'll sit there dormant while everything in life seems to go right, and then when a few wrong things happen in a row, it lurches out of the darkness, grabs ahold of your soul, and sucks you back down with him. That's kind of how I feel like now... sliding down the tar pit of bummed-out-ness.

British guy from OKC never messaged me back. I completely went against my own rule and messaged him a second time (over two weeks after I sent the first, so it wasn't like I did it immediately), just to see he'd bite. I figured I had a 0% chance of response if I didn't ping him, and if I did send a message, the worst outcome would still be 0%. But I should have figured a guy with a "red" response rate isn't going to give anyone a chance. I know I shouldn't take these things so personally, but I'm sitting here tearing up because I don't feel good enough. Over one guy... stupid, right? :-/

Sometimes I wish I had gone to grad school years ago, because at the least I'd be back in an environment where you meet guys and establish a friendship before actually going out. I feel like my online personality is different from my real life persona, and I can't seem to get the two to match up. It was the same way when I did kickball – I felt much more comfortable meeting people there because the bar scene was so relaxed and casual. Unfortunately the league I played in self-destructed and it's full of 22 year olds now.

In other news, last week I logged into my credit card account to find some purchases I definitely didn't make. This is the third time in 5 years that my credit card number has been stolen! I think I'm extremely vigilant about using my card safely, yet for some reason my damn number has been up for grabs. It's getting tiresome... thankfully it hasn't affected my credit score or anything, but it's still a nuisance and a little (okay, a LOT) unsettling.

Annnnd now my manager is griping at me because one of our analytics applications is running slowly, probably because they've added like 150 websites and are tracking too many. So that's my fault that our server can't handle that kind of load, and I'm getting flack for it. "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job..."
Friday, you can't come soon enough!




Post title song reference: Foo Fighters - End Over End