Yep, so no text. Oh well. Not super sad, but I'm not going to worry about it.
I feel bad about this, but I removed an anonymous comment from the last post. It pointed out what I already knew – what I did was wrong, in my eyes – but I think people need to know this before they pass any more judgment.
I grew up as the shyest kid around. I couldn't even talk to boys until high school, and when I finally did strike up a conversation with my crush, I was sweating so badly and hyperventilating that I nearly passed out. Being social has always been a struggle for me. I got rejected so many times in high school and college that it's downright pathetic. And consequently, I learned that putting yourself out on a limb makes you vulnerable, and it's much safer to hide up in the treehouse and hope the guy you like makes a move instead of you. (It never happens.)
Even now, I find myself "faking it until I make it" around guys, because I have no fucking clue what I'm doing, and I'm petrified that one of them might actually like me but I won't end up liking them back... and that I have to reject them. Stupid, isn't it?
So yeah, I was shady about it. But for once, at least I took some initiative. Instead of staying at home and feeling sorry for myself, I got off my ass. Even if I went to that bar on a whim, not knowing his event would be going on, it would have been sheer coincidence. I still believe I would have talked to him, because he's an attractive guy. Knowing the basics about him (hobbies, etc.) gave me the courage and confidence I know I have but can never manage to summon. (Usually the only time it comes out is when I've had multiple drinks, and even then it comes out all discombobulated and backwards. Not attractive.) And for two days straight I didn't think about D.
So yeah, he didn't text me. Whatever. But that night – having two great conversations with single guys and feeling confident and good about myself – was worth whatever random people are going to think about me. Because I've had my heart broken scores of times and felt ashamed for not being desirable. For that one night, I felt okay.
Sorry about the no text, but like you said, at least you tried, and at least you put yourself out there. We can't win 'em all. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you about the anonymous comment. For one, they wrote it anonymously, so they didn't even want to own their own words. For two, it's your blog, you can do what you want.
Sometimes faking it until you make it is the only way to go. I still do it sometimes, too!
Hi I'm the guy who's comments you deleted. It wasn't anonymous. I just didn't have a Blogger account and my AOL account just generated a random number because I'm not giving random people my email address. But since you got rid of the option for AOL users to comment on your blog, here I am
DeleteI'm Greg. Hi.
It's good that you're getting out there and making an effort. I'm not knocking that. What I am knocking is your methods. Deception breeds deception and really look at the flip side of the coin. If a guy did this to you, you'd be super uncomfortable.
Do unto others. It's good karma.
I'm totally an introvert so I get it. And High Five for stepping outside your comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteNext time go for less shady though ;) I always figure if you couldn't say or do something to someone's face, you probably should be doing it at all.
Yep. I think it's great to put yourself out there especially when you haven't in the past but, truthfully, I think you dodged a bullet by him not texting you back because things could have gotten awkward really quickly had you gotten more intimate and you would have to (IMO) a: divulge some of this or b: lied. Neither one would have ended well, likely. Just keep doing your thing and hittin' on random hot guys in bars! FACEBOOK IS EVIL!!! :)
ReplyDeleteFacebook really is evil. I've come across stories of people ending marriages over facebook. Prime example, the last guy I dated I ended up breaking up with because he lied about being at work. How did I find out? The girl he went out with posted pictures and time stamped them :D
ReplyDeleteHaha, thanks Greg. I appreciate the honesty.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you are all right -- I did dodge a bullet. I completely SUCK at lying and I would have probably slowly self-destructed had he made contact and I would have had to continue the charade. Not good.
In all honesty, I wasn't expecting him to be there, so when he was, it definitely gave me a full dose of what I had coming. I was stuck in this self-generated panic -- either I could walk away (which in hindsight, I should have done), or I grow an extremely large pair of ovaries and talk. I chose the latter. And I unfortunately got a little too cocky, so fortunately Karma came along and did me a favor by not having him text back. ;-)
Just be genuine and be you.
ReplyDelete