Uninvited

"But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight..."

Ever have something bad happen to you, reel a little bit, insist you're okay, and then realize a day later that you're really not? That you're just fooling yourself? Yeah, that just happened to me.

A friend of mine (one that I know through another friend) had her birthday this weekend. She's one of these rare types that gets REALLY excited about her birthday, has a party every year, invites everyone, etc. I went to her party last year (the only one out of our group of mutual friends, might I add) and had a great time.

I received a Facebook invite to her party in December and RSVP'd "yes." She hadn't decided on a venue yet, but about 10 days before the event, she sent out an email to the event saying it was at this new bar. That was the last email I got, so I assumed that's where it was.

However, on Friday I logged onto Facebook to double check the time, and could not find the event anywhere. It was a private event, so I thought Facebook was being weird, so I clicked on the link in the email she had sent (which usually sends you straight to the page), and it kept redirecting to my events list. I then sent a quick text to her asking where/when it was, jokingly asking if I was still invited because I couldn't find it on Facebook anymore. No response.

I then tried to check her profile to make sure I had the weekend correct (since she was so excited her birthday was on the same day as her party), and her profile was basically empty. I was still friends with her, but obviously she had set me to limited profile, because I couldn't see anything whereas before I could see status updates, photos, etc.

I started to get this sinking feeling that I had been removed from the event. I then started feeling incredibly paranoid that I had done something wrong, that one of her other friends convinced her to uninvite me because I wasn't cool enough, etc. I quickly IMed another friend and asked her to check to see if my name was on the list. She checked, and it wasn't.

What. The. Hell.

Said friend mentioned that birthday girl was having trouble pinning down a bar, because the first venue (the one I knew about from the email) wanted too much money, blah blah blah. The next one wanted a limit on the number of people, and my other friend hypothesized that she had to "tighten up the list" a little bit.

Okay, makes sense. This was the point of where I thought, "Oh, I'm okay. She's not mad at me, she was obviously stressed and had to cull the invites, but was probably embarrassed and didn't want to directly tell me." Sure, I was a little irked that I had to find out this way -- because in reality, I would have showed up to venue #1 last night only to find no one there. But I was okay.

And I was okay last night, because I was exhausted from staying out until 2 AM Friday night (my way of coping for not having Saturday plans), and the thought of going out to a party made me want to curl up and fall asleep. But when I logged onto Facebook this eventing, and saw photos from other friends (the same ones who never came last year) having fun, I felt gutted. Honestly, who the fuck does that? I had RSVP'd. I had already said, "Yes, I am coming," and was looking forward to it. And yet she removed me from the event. It would have been one thing if I hadn't responded, but I HAD COMMITTED.

It's a good thing I'm not very close friends with her, because I would have been in tears. However, it doesn't make things hurt any less. Don't stay silent and hide behind a limited profile after uninviting someone to your party, because that's cowardly. I would have rather had her say, "I'm so sorry, things have changed and I have to leave some people off the list. Let's grab drinks later blah blah blah blah..."

I'm angry. I did text her an innocuous "Happy Birthday" last night, partially hoping it would make her feel guilty for what she did. Shit happens, I get it. But she made things worse by not being honest, and I'm not happy feeling left out like I was in elementary school.